Woman turns to internet for advice after mother-in-law threatens to buy house next door
HAVING a grandparent nearby is a blessing for many families.
In fact, I even have a friend who actively chooses to live with her in-laws because that is what works best for them.
But it’s certainly not for everyone, with many people appreciating a little … distance between family members.
• Photos spark crazy Melania theory
So what would you do if you felt someone was not respecting those boundaries?
This is the conundrum of one UK mum who is afraid her mother-in-law will end up buying the house next door.
“My widowed mother-in-law has repeatedly asked to sell up both houses and live together,” the woman posted in parenting forum Mumsnet. “She already lives in the next road to us and her other son lives 1.6km away.
“I have repeatedly said no in no uncertain terms to her. I have avoided a full on face-to-face confrontation about it but I have sent a couple of strong worded texts about how it is not an option.
“Anyhow, our elderly next-door neighbour has just died and leaves behind a doer-upper of a bungalow. She wants to buy it.
“Stupid husband wants to do it up. (Basically he sees the plus of having an extra garage and driveway) … I on the other hand feel like moving out. She would be here all the time mollycoddling him and our kids would constantly choose to be next door at Nanny’s where they can do as they bloody well like!”
So what’s a gal to do?
The mum appealed to other Mumsnet users for their advice, which came forth in droves.
“You already know that this would be a nightmare and all the reasons why,” one person wrote.
“Stand firm. I’m having a breakdown at the thought of my MIL [mother-in-law] living one street away but next door???!!! Even if you loved her to bits, this has nightmare written all over it.”
“Oh. My. God. This would be a total nightmare for me,” added another.
“I would feel like I’m being suffocated in my own home. You might as well all live in the same house! If she is bad with respecting boundaries, she is going to be in your face all the time!”
And this: “What a nightmare. Not for me.”
While the majority of comments were outraged at the thought of living side-by-side with an in-law, others were more open minded.
“It would work for me, because we are all very independent. We would have the luxury of being close if needed, without walking on each other’s toes. Things like a very tall fence to give complete privacy from each other for example,” wrote one mum, before adding: “with the threat of childcare, I am pretty sure my MIL would be the one scared of moving too close!”
“My MIL lives next door and it’s perfect,” said another.
“Dh [darling husband] pops in morning and evening. She does our gardening and ironing. Take it in turns to do Sunday lunch. Permanently available cover for if a [child] is off school.
“When she was unwell a while ago we were on hand to support her without any extra hassle. She doesn’t come round unless planned. I had been apprehensive about her dropping in but DH set clear expectations before she moved. All in all, it’s been a blessing.”
Others noted the woman’s beef should not be with her MIL, but her husband.
“You need to have this conversation with your husband, not your mother-in-law. You need to be clear that you are not OK with living with her or next door to her. Your wellbeing trumps any extra garage or parking space,” one woman wrote.
“If she buys that bungalow, make it clear that you will be moving out or putting your house on the market. He then needs to communicate this to his mother as your JOINT decision which he will not be changing. This is not something that you should be backing down on, nor something that you should allow to divide the two of you, with him taking his mother’s side.”
Another agreed, stating “You need to get hb on side. If he tells her not to buy it because you (plural) don’t want her living there, surely she wouldn’t. Especially if you escalate it to threats of moving yourself if necessary.”
So, quite the dilemma.
This story originally appeared on Kidspot and has been reproduced with permission.
Comments
Post a Comment