10 Dumbest News Stories Ever

From music for mammals to corpses that just won’t stay buried, we look at some of the weirdest news stories from around the world 10

Great Idea, Kim • North Korea, the butt of all jokes, has recently placed a ban on their populace using sarcasm • Kim-Jong Un has banned sarcasm because he’s worried people are only agreeing with him ironically Sayings like “It’s all America’s fault” have become more common in North Korea, as people mock the regime’s tendency to blame everyone else when he’s being a dick • I’m just relieved to find out that people in North Korea actually have a sense of humour after being scared shitless for fifty fucking years Kudos, guys

Good luck in the work camps 9 It’s a Small World After All • An Oklahoma woman has married her own daughter and has been crowned Planet Dolan’s worst hillbilly ever Her trophy will arrive to her trailer in 6 to 8 weeks • The couple was recently arrested for incest after authorities in Oklahoma found out that the pair had wed

The mother said she thought it wasn’t a problem because her name wasn’t on her daughter’s birth certificate As if a piece of paper makes it all ok And it turns out, this isn’t the first gross marriage Mama’s been in; in 2008 she married to her son but he filed for divorce 15 months later • I really wish this was some kind of green card marriage but it looks like this mother is just the worst Those poor motherfuckers though

And I mean that, literally Incest, a game the whole family can play! 8 Cats Reboot • One musician-researcher realized there was an untapped market in the music industry; selling music to cats! • He’s created music to soothe and entertain felines and after he sold 10,000 copies independently Universal Music came along and offered him a record deal They’re now planning on making records for dogs and horses because they want to milk this cash cow before people realise they can listen to music on YouTube for free • It’s like the music industry they didn’t learn their lesson when they released the musical Cats

A lot of people still don’t know that Andrew Lloyd Webber was just trying to get cats into theaters but somehow it ended up being a smash hit with humans Who’d’ve thought? 7 Dial-a-Croc • Most vandals write on walls or spray paint a car These guys took vandalism to a whole new level • In Australia, police are searching for the d-bags that let loose two salt water crocodiles in a school

The men, whose faces were hidden by scarves, broke into the school overnight and left two 6-foot crocodiles into the office • The guys taped the creatures’ mouths shut, so nobody got hurt but I can only imagine the heart attack the poor office lady suffered as a result of these shenanigans Only in Australia, folks 6 Corpse Ball • Grandma, I don’t care if you are dead, get ready to dance! • Seriously though, this Indonesian ethnic group have a festival every year where they dig up their dead relatives

The Toraja people believe that death isn’t the instantaneous end to life that we think it is So they take their loved ones out of their coffins, brush off the dust and maggots and hang out just like old times So what if Pop pop can’t chug beer like he used to and Gran’s arm just fell off • Death isn’t the end of your humiliation; that’d just be too easy 5

Tripod • In Kenya, there’s a young man who’s unable to have sex because his penis is too large I know, it sounds like he’s bragging • And ladies, don’t get too excited; from the pictures, it doesn’t look like he should be walking around let alone having sex with anyone The guy is like a fucking tripod It’s no wonder he can’t find pants or shorts to fit him, the thing is the size of a toddler

He’s had one surgery to try to reduce the size but he’s still going to need more surgery • It’s only a matter of time until the porn community hire him and convince him not to get it fixed 4 Old Man Disguise • Shaun Miller evaded the po-po in a creative way Since April, he disguised himself as an old man to avoid possession charges

• The cops had staked out Miller’s mother’s house and didn’t pay much mind to the old guy that came out until they took a closer look at his eyes They probably didn’t look as demoralized as old people’s normally are and the cops discovered their man underneath the mask They also found 30 thou in cash and two loaded weapons • And he woulda got away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling cops 3

Balls Up • The president of Equatorial Guinea, probably isn’t someone you’ve heard of, but there are some pretty interesting rumors about his eating habits going around • His opponents maintain that the 76-year-old eats the brains and testicles of his enemies to absorb their power Apparently it also increases his sexual prowess You’d think he never heard of Viagra but I guess at 76, some men will take what they can get; a blue pill, a red pill, some sautéed testicles • This guy is actually the longest serving dictator in Africa and overthrew his uncle’s regime when he went crazy and started telling people he was a god

Maybe people are just convinced there’s black magic in his family, or insanity 2 Krispy Meth • The cops pulled the 64-year-old man over for speeding and when they saw a crystal-like substance in his car, they figured, “we’re in Florida, so that’s probably meth” • But the poor bastard had actually just eaten a Krispy Kreme doughnut and some of the glaze had fallen on the floor of his car But of course the cops didn’t believe it and arrested him

You’d think of all professions that’d be able to spot doughnut reside, it’d be a • The weirdest part was that the first tests of the substance came back positive for meth and it took weeks for the test to finally clear this guy’s name It’s no wonder ‘Making a Murderer’ happened in America This is a ‘Making a Drug Dealer’ set up if I ever heard one 1 Monkey See, Monkey Rob • An Indian jewelry store was robbed by an unlikely criminal recently; a monkey stole $150 in cash

• This smooth criminal set his sights on the cash register and successfully made off with the goods This was the second time he’d visited the store; the first time he couldn’t even get in the door His second visit and he’s already robbing the joint; just goes to show that the ape uprising is upon us • His accomplice, a crow, got distracted by the jewels and was arrested on sight Nuh I kid, that fucker got away with a shit-tonne of diamonds while the clerks chased the monkey

Suckers Outro: So guys, what’s the best moment where you proved everybody wrong? Let us know in the reddit page linked below and you might be featured in a future countdown!

Source: Youtube